Beware....time for a venting

OK that's it, I've decided that dating websites are a complete waste of time. They're great if you own the site and like a vampire, suck the cash out of your members while you laugh deviously rubbing your greedy little hands together. But being a member plain old sucks. The sad thing about why this sucks is, I believe, caused by the members themselves! Allow me to explain.

Lately I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone, in the online world at least, and have sent lot's of emails out to many women including those that I wasn't particularly physically attracted to, I know that sounds a bit shallow but physical attraction is the first one to get your attention now isn't it?!? The messages I've been sending out have been rather light and fun and always leaving an open question about something in their profile.To my utter amazement I have not received one reply back from any of them. Now I'm not trying to be stuck up or egotistical but I think I'm a pretty good looking guy. My profile is written in a way that is very down to earth and easy going, partly because one of my female friends helped me write it so it's girl approved already. I have an OK picture up, not the best in my opinion but apparently according to pic rating sites, it rates pretty high.

This has made me think long and hard about why there's no reply's. My epiphany came when I looked at myself and my lifestyle. I think the reason that people, and not just women here, is all about comfort zone. They are just so stuck in their routine that they don't want to have anyone come into their life and mess up what they have going. I mean someone comes into your life and you have to check in with them and see if it's ok that you go out with your friends. Or you won't be able to do that thing you love to do because your new friend isn't into that at all, it's thought like that that I feel are the culprit. I may be naive and all with not so much relationship experience under my belt but I think that a relationship shouldn't mean the end of all the things that make you who you are. Your new friend found you attractive because of who you are so keep doing the things that makes you who you are. When you find that someone that accepts you have a life outside of your relationship and supports you in your passions (and vice versa), that's when you know you've found the one. And that is what I am looking for.

So a new challenge to those on dating sites looking for the 'one'. Girls, grow a pair and respond to the guy that messaged you. If you think they're cute and you like their profile honestly ask yourself what is holding you back from starting a conversation. It may turn into nothing, they might have the personality of a dead fish. Then again they could be something beyond words. You'll never know unless you try.

Rant complete, I feel better now ;)

For the sake of change.

Part of my journey lately has brought me to a place where I realized that I just have way too much shit. There's stuff all over the place, albeit it's a small bachelor apartment so things can get pretty cramped rather quickly. But looking at the whole, there was just to much stuff that was doing nothing but taking up space. 

Example, I bought cabinets for under my desk from ikea a few years ago for the sole purpose (now that I think about it) of holding more crap that I didn't have a place for prior to buying said cabinets! Those cabinets were acting as legs for my computer desk and sat on either side. The computer desk was another gargantuous piece that did an awesome job of being a perfect dumping ground for all the day to day bits and pieces. Things would build up on there until it got to a point that I just couldn't take it anymore. It would then take me hours to go through all the papers and crap, figure out and sort the important stuff from the stuff that should have gone to the trash to begin with.

This discovery (which was right in front of my face) lead me to make a big decision. That big decision was to pull as close to a Zen move as I could. I went and bought a new computer desk. One that was much smaller (and much nicer I might add). The old desk was summarily dismantled and chucked as far as humanly possible (I'm rather strong so it did go pretty far!). I then rearranged all my furniture putting my bed (which I love, it's a new Queen, firm with a pillowtop mmmmm, I digress), against the wall the computer desk used to be. The new computer desk I put against the wall the bed used to be. Are you with me still? Can you picture that? OK. Result, I now have a football field in my apartment and I have no idea what I'm going to do with it lol!

Oh, I forgot to mention. I also had -because I'm a guy, a very large 53" RCA  projection TV, yes as I said I live in a bachelor, yes I know just go with it. I've had it for years and it has done me really really well. GONE! An ad up on craigslist and in 1 day, I had almost 25+ responses. Free things always seem to find a home rather quickly. I ended up giving it away to a family that was 'apparently' on disability. After the said person that was supposedly on disability was one of the people that showed up, I had reservations of the validity of the claim. But too late, I'm a man of my word. I rather quickly replaced that with a 40" Samsung LCD. Now that I must say made a huge difference in the amount of space that was recovered.

Now here's the rub. With all these 'things' being in my life for so long. They've become a part of me in a way. I realized this when I gave away the TV. I was super jazzed about the new LCD don't get me wrong. But watching that old TV go out the door with people that I didn't know, hurt a little. I understand though that that pain is a sign of change and it's good for you. It means that you were in a rut and doing the right thing by making a change. It was a reminder, to me at least, to keep pushing forward and not just sitting back becoming complacent.  The more you can get used to it the better off you are, it keeps you flexible should an awesome opportunity come along. 

So here's challenge to you (whoever is reading this), go through your closets, search your basements and clean out the garage. If you come across things that you haven't touched for at least a year, either sell it or toss it. I think you'll like the feeling. Maybe not a first but you will after, I promise. 


Going through this whole process reminded me of one of my favourite quotes from one of my all time favourite movies, Fight Club. Brad Pitt's character tells Ed Norton's character, "the things you own, end up owning you" and oh how they do!

Now what to do with the football field?

PS. Here's a lifehacker idea for all the clotheshorse people out there. Put all your clothes on hangers in your closet and hook them on from behind, you know, the hard way. At the end of the year go through the closet and look for any hangers that are still hooked from behind. That tells you you haven't worn it in a year and most likely never will wear again. Do yourself a favour, go donate it to the goodwill.

A 180 is an understatement....

I started this blog as a kind of self therapy. Many of the books I've read all tout the same advice about writing down your day to day activities so that you can look back at your own personal progress. That would have worked had I posted a bit more often than I have been. I never really was much of a writer -high school English class was not one of my strongest subjects. I guess I was partly inspired by some of the other blogs out there that I had been reading (thanks criseyde). Reading and wishing that I had such an interesting life that I could share with the world in some way. What is it they say about one mans trash? Lately I've come to feel though that I do have an interesting life and believe me it keeps getting even more interesting every day, there are lots of things that I really don't think I should put up here lol. I really think a turning point came after I read Randy Pausch's book (The Last Lecture) -yes you can watch the video online but ask a book reader and they will always say the book was better. Maybe it was just really good timing, maybe my mind was in just the right place when I read it but it woke something up inside me, it erased the apprehension, the fear. OK fine it lit a fire under my ass!

My earlier posts were laced with me trying to change my usual approach to dating (total failure on all levels if you haven't guessed) and finally getting 'in the game' as it were. How embarrassing it all looks now. The change in outlook on my life have pulled a total 180. I am no where near the same person I was back then in many ways and I think all of those changes were for the better. No longer am I the shy one that drops his head when he sees a cutie on the subway. No more am I the self conscious guy that doubts himself all the friggin time. I remember seeing a show on TV, I can't remember what it was all about but there was a section about this young guy who needed some cash for school -don't let your mind wander now, stay with me. He saw an ad for a modeling position or maybe a friend suggested it, it's not quite clear. When he arrived at the studio it turned out to be a sketching class and he was to be the nude model. I remember at the time how mortified I would have felt if that were me, no friggin way would I have gone through with that! But I find now that I would probably be just fine with it, I'd probably enjoy it! That's the level of change that I'm talking about, a complete 180.

I'm still training hard, still working towards my goal of getting on stage next year (there's another thing that used to freak me out, getting on stage in a teeny tiny little gitch that doesn't really leave much to the imagination). I've just really started offseason training so that means more food heavy! heavy! heavy! and lots of epsom salt baths! As I said, I've only just started offseason and I'm jazzed to say that I'm pretty much right back where I left off last offseason benching 315lbs, still squating and deadlifting 405 but those are getting easier each day. My weight is currently sitting at 201lbs and I intend  to stay as lean as possible this year. The leaner I am come preseason, the easier it is to get lean for the stage and the less stress I have to endure. It's a win on all levels.

If you have any questions on training, diet or supplements, please don't hesitate to write me. I may not have all the answers or the answer that you want to hear but I swear I won't bullshit you.

Anyways, that's all for now. Maybe we'll bump into each other over at Wicked (oh, but that's another story).....

A.

It's been a while.....

Yeah I know it's been a while. I should keep this up more than I have been so here's something that I wanted to share. Long story short, you already know that I go to the gym rather regularly, heck I'm a bodybuilder in case you hadn't noticed from my pic. I was on Facebook the other day and one of my 'likes', a female that works in the fitness industry, posted a note on her wall about the gym and dating. I wrote a short blurb sharing my views and I received and email from a woman on Facebook that read my comment. Here is the chain.

I saw you posting on Jamies wall, you sound just like me. I honestly feel like it will never happen, meeting the right person. But I do, don't go out on friday and saturday nights, the gym is where I end up. And there are quite a few guys in there, but where do you draw the line. I'm there to work out, not get a date. But I see mostly the same people there and we obviously share a passion of staying fit and healthy. Nice picture by the way.

Holly

Here was my response.

Thanks for the note. Yes it is a conundrum, trying to meet people at the gym. I did a talk show with Jamie not too long ago and it was on that exact topic. Jamie's viewpoint was that she was at the gym for her job and that she was not a good idea to meet people at the gym. She has a focussed goal in mind and that is to stay employed. Her other point was also what happens if you break up, wouldn't that be awkward, almost to the point that one would have to find a new gym to go to.My viewpoint on dating people from the gym was coming from the regular person that's not doing it for a living. We use the gym as much as social environment almost as much as we use it to stay in shape. As far as the 'if's' are concerned, I try not to dwell on things that haven't happened yet and try to live for the now.

Not long ago I picked up a copy of The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I haven't finished reading it yet but the general gist of the book that I am getting is time is finite. You only have a certain amount of time and no one knows how much we have. Bottom line is use every minute you have doing what you want to do and not wasting it. Go out and get what it is you want from life rather than accepting whatever falls in your lap. With that in mind, approaching people at the gym for the means of starting a relationship could mean a whole new life filled with something amazing. I don't think I could let that chance slip away because I was either afraid of rejection or for fear of annoying someone.

PS. Thanks for the compliments on my pic.

It's reassuring to hear that I am not the only one that had reservations. That there are women out there that are open to men approaching them at the gym and also women that will approach men. As I said in my message back to her, my viewpoint has changed in that there's a lot to loose out on if you don't take a chance sometimes. As Arnold said it, "you won't know if you can squat 500lbs unless you are willing to fail, those that  accept failure but do it anyway are the ones that succeed".

So, do you go to the gym? What is your viewpoint?

PS; Yes, I have the same Blogger pic on my Facebook page as well.

Later.

A thought...

I had a thought the other day and thought I would write it down here. I read somewhere that writing (ok I'm typing it, give me a break) can help in remembering things. Besides, someone else might get something out of my drivelings.

I've always been one to say that I have an open mind as I feel everyone should have. No one can know everything or dismiss another persons opinion for I fear they may miss out on something that could change their lives. That being said I also strongly believe that it does not matter what other people think of you. Having a strong sense of self and confidence is a necessity in order to survive and grow.

What I came across is a conflict between being open minded while also ignoring anothers comments. I just can't seem to see how you can do both until it dawned on me, yes you can.

What I figured out is not to ignore the comments or opinions of others but to weigh the value that they have. This value can be based on whatever you like but I myself base it on who the comment is coming from. If the comment is coming from a very close friend I know I can value that comment highly. Likewise, if a comment comes from someone that I do not know at all, I can place a lower value on the comment. If a comment comes from someone that I do not get along with at all, I can place a very low if non-existent value on it and ignore them.

This way you can be open minded to new things or ideas and also hold your own beliefs about yourself.

Just a random thought.

A.

Crash and burn...

I know I know it's been a little while since I wrote something here. I'm tryin I swear. Sometimes I just can't bring myself to think about things and just want to distract myself with mindless drivel. That's a bad thing I know, it's much better to live in the moment and focus on what you are doing and feeling. Doing so is what allows us to grow mentally and spiritually.

Enough of that, let's get on to what been going on.

The weekend before last and just after my previous post, I went over to Aroma at Y&E. I must say I really like the place. The food is awesome and the tea they bag themselves which is quite different compared to all the other coffee shops out there. I did however have a rather odd moment as I was sitting at the bar (not a booze bar, a coffee bar). This cute girl sat next to me and I caught her peeking. She had this humongous grin on her face and since I'm a sucker for smiles, I just had to start something. The conversation was great, she said she's a dancer, I asked what kind of dancer (get you head out of the gutter folks, there are other types of dancers out there)to which she replied, Jazz and ballet which she has been doing for the past 10 years. She also mentioned that she was finishing her last year of school and was going to take a year off to travel and such. I took that to mean that she was finishing college or university so I asked her what her focus was. I can't entirely remember how it came up but I started to work out her age from the info she had been giving me. Before I could come up with my guess she blurted out, "17, I'm just finishing my last year of high-school" !!!!!!. My age radar is seriously screwed up I tell ya, I was going to say I thought she was around 27. We both had a chuckle and by that time her order was ready at the counter.

Like many others, I'm up on a couple of dating websites. The all mostly "suck" for lack of a better word. I've come to understand two facts about online dating. Most guys go on these sites because they sincerely want to meet someone. I also have concluded that most women do not. I've been up on Fitness Singles for a while now. Been on Lava but F.S. seemed a bit more what I am looking for. Someone active and up for some fun. I found this one girl on there that I thought was pretty interesting so I sent her an email asking her if she had been catching much of the Olympics. 4 days go by and there was no reply whatsoever. Now normally I would have just walked away and ignored her but this time was different. I sent her another email, this time I was a little confrontational asking her if she was "the type of girl that flakes out all the time". I promised her that it would be ok if we talked for a bit that I'm not some psycho. Well she responded to that one and in a fun way accepting my self proclaimed "non-psycho" credentials. I sent her another email answering her small talk questions and asked her some as well. She had mentioned that I should "just ask her out for a walk" so I did. I invited her out to the Eaton Centre to do some clothes shopping. Honestly what girl would give up the chance to completely destroy a guys fashion sense I tell ya! Well she did, another 5 days goes by and no response again, this kind of behavior drives me nuts! To shorten the story, I've tried on two occasions now to set a first date on neutral grounds and so far she has yet to read the email with the second invite. It doesn't really matter though, there are tonnes of other women out there for me to meet. Now if I could only figure out where they go lol.

So there we have it, yeah that's pretty much all that's been happening. I know this makes me sound really boring and what not which is far from the truth, at least that's what I think. I have a feeling that this summer is going to be different for me though. In a lot of different ways too. I can't really say what it is but my way of thinking has changed considerably in such a short amount of time. When I look back at where I was a year, year and a half ago I can't help but feel so much happier with my life. I guess that's one reason why I've been putting so much effort into meeting new people (women mostly). I'd really like to share how I feel with someone close, you know what I mean? just kinda spread the happiness around a bit.

As you know it is Sunday and Sunday means leg day. It's a 'B' week which means not too heavy for those that are following my advice. I start my preseason dieting on May 1st and I can't wait to start. Off-season is great and all, you can eat pretty much what you want and all. The problem is you always feel bloated and heavy. Food after a while becomes more of a chore than something enjoyable. Preseason changes all of that to the opposite extreme, you're always hungry and near the end of 16 weeks you are so tired you can hardly walk. I tell ya what, I tell you more about that when I'm in the thick of it.

Later.

[Listening to: Watchin' Aliens II (a classic)]

Expand, flex, grow...

This week started off like your typical Monday. You know the whole "I Hate Mondays" thing. First let me say that I work in the support department for a SAAS company -that's "Software as a Service" in case you were not aware of such cool acronyms. My work, on Sunday had scheduled as service pack release to address some bugs that were found. Well the service pack went OK, the problem is that some of those updates included Microsoft updates to our webservers and SQL servers. It was one of those updates that started to kill off our SQL servers one by one. Needless to say, shit was not working as it should. The phones were ringing off the hook with case after case of the same issues. I normally handle about 15 to 20 calls a day, 25 to 30 if we are in our busy season. On Monday morning I managed 18 calls in about 3 hours! The rest of the week went OK as far as work is concerned so that was a good thing.

Ok so this may be a bit on the TMI side of things but I gotta tell you one of the best things I have done in a long time. Being a bodybuilder, my level of protein intake is pretty high. Higher than most people (non bodybuilders) would think is humanly possible. That poses some questions when it comes to #2 if you know what I mean. It's as if I've been slightly constipated for the past 3 years (yeah I know, I wasn't very comfortable most of the time). Well I had to find another approach to try and solve this issue and came across your everyday regular psyllium husk. Psyllium has got to be the highest fibre there is with just two tablespoons providing 36% of your daily recommended fibre intake! I put two tablespoons in each of my three protein shakes throughout the day and they are really fixing me up.The past 3 weeks I have never felt better, try it out yourself if you are having the same problems. I am positive you will thank me.

On the dating side of things, not too much happening there at the present. Although I did accomplish something that I've always had a hard time with. I made my first cold approach on the subway one morning ;). Ok so nothing really came of it. We didn't have all that much time to talk, mainly because I waited way too long to strike up the conversation. We had about 2 stops worth of small talk before she got off at King street (hey King street girl, if you're reading this, you have my email and number, use them!). I had to say something to her about her eyes. She had those eyes that mesmerize me. They were a blue/green hazel and she had her hair coloured in a deep red. The contrast of her eyes and her hair just grabbed my attention and slapped it around a bit.

I have to do more of that regardless of what actually happens. I need to get out and meet new people and expand my circle of friends. David Wygant has got some really good concepts that really do work. I'm sure you've seen his work if you've seen the movie Hitch with Will Smith. Smith's character was based on David's life and business. If you haven't seen the movie, go see it, there are a ton of excellent points in there that you can use in your own dating life.

I've been giving some serious thought to picking up the guitar, electric of course. It started a little while ago when I saw the Raconteurs video for "The Level". It's live and Jack White just kills it. I really admire his style and would love to have a bit of what that feels like. I figured I can fit in lessons on Saturdays no problem. I found some postings on craigslist for tutors and was happy to see the pricing isn't as bad as I thought it would be. $18 per hour and you don't even have to have a guitar to start! Most of the ads say that they have guitars that they can provide. This is a perfect situation in my opinion. If I come to feel that it isn't for me, there isn't a big financial layout to find that out!

Well it's Saturday which means it's arms day at the gym. It's a 'B' schedule week as well so not a full out effort, just 80% of max effort. Next week goes back to an 'A' schedule which means lift heavy. If you aren't taking this kind of approach yourself in your gym endeavors, I would recommend that you do. It allows your body to bounce back a bit better, and allows you to go heavy when you need to go heavy, because going heavy is the only way to build real muscle.

Well that's it for now. I want to run out and pick up some apples and stuff. I have a prescription to grab as well. I also would like to stop and grab a tea at this new coffee shop. I've been there before and I really like it. If you're in the Y&E area, stop into Aroma Espresso Bar and look for the big bald guy.

[listening to: She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart]

Day 1 of ........

I've never blogged before. It's not really my nature to express myself openly to people that I do not know. That being said, I have come to a point where I need to do new and different things. So here we go.

I won't get into much detail about who I am, let's just say that I am a 37 year old youngster :) that is into computers and bodybuilding. Not your average combination I know, but I am special so there! I have had some on and off relationships throughout my years but I have yet to have that all fulfilling person in my life. I don't think in the past I was ready for something real, I've always just kept to myself and enjoyed -as much as one can, my own company. But things are changing for me and so is my way of thinking. This blog is just one of those steps.

My intention for this blog is to write down those little nuggets of wisdom that I come across. Immortalize the quotes that I come up with myself (it has happened), and just find a way of expressing myself.

Sundays are leg days at the gym, also known a puke days. This is a heavy week too which means 400lb squats, 850lb leg presses, reverse box lunges, and quads, quads, quads. My hams are doing pretty good, it's my quads that need some more mass and separation.

Ok, so wrapping up this first post, I know that there isn't a whole lot here (it's my first, give me a break). I'll come back and write some more and after a while this will get easier to do.

Till then,

"shut up and squat"